The new Vicar

A new vicar moved into town and went out one Saturday to visit his parishioners. All went well until he came to one house. It was obvious that someone was home, but no one came to the door even after he had knocked several times. Finally, he took out his card, wrote on the back 'Revelation 3:20' and stuck it in the door. The next day, he found his card in the collection plate. Below his verse was written the words 'Genesis 3:10'. Look it up.

Playing Golf

Three guys went out to play golf. Moses teed off, and his ball landed in the water trap. He walked to the water, held out his club, and the water parted. He hit his ball onto the green. Jesus teed off, and his ball went into the same water trap. He calmly walked on the water, hit his ball and watched it land on the green. The third player teed off, and his ball headed straight for the same water trap. It landed on a lily pad, where it was grabbed by a frog who mistook it for dinner. Before he could swallow it, an eagle swooped down and grabbed the frog. As he flew off, the frog dropped the ball. The ball landed on a car driving on the nearby freeway, bounced off the hood of the car, back onto the golf course. It then bounced off a tree and went straight into the cup for a hole in one. Moses turned to Jesus and said, "I hate playing golf with your Dad!"

Adam is lonely

One day GOD says to Adam,
"I've noticed that you are lonely, and I've decieded to make you a partner. This partner will fulfill every desire, wait on you hand and foot, never argue or talk back to you, and will take care of you for the rest of the days of your life." Adam, skeptical about this, says "What's it gonna cost me?" GOD replies, "One eye, your left leg and you right hand." Adam then replies, "What can I get for a rib?"

The importance of having your email addresses correct!

It seems there was this couple from Minneapolis, Minnesota who decided to go to Florida for a few days to thaw out during one particularly cold winter. Since both spouses worked, they had difficulty coordinating their schedules, so the decision was made to have the husband leave for Florida on a certain day, with the wife following him one day later. The man made it down to Florida and arrived at his hotel. Upon getting to his room, he decided to open his laptop and send his wife back in Minneapolis an email. However, he left off one letter in typing his wife's email address and sent the email off without realizing his error. In another part of the country, a widow had just returned from the funeral of her husband, a pastor of many years who had been called to glory just a few days earlier. She decided to check her email because she was expecting to hear from her husband's relatives and friends. Upon reading the first email she let out a loud scream, fainted and fell to the floor. The woman's son rushed into the room and found his mother on the floor. He glanced up at the computer screen and saw the following email message: To My Loving Wife: I've just been checked in. Everything has-been prepared for your arrival here tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Your Devoted Husband. PS: Sure is hot down here

Quoted from funny(at)153.com email list

The old family Bible

There was this gracious lady mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.

"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk. "Only the Ten Commandments," answered the lady.

Dad - can I borrow the car?

A young boy had just gotten his driving licence. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss the use of the car. His father took him to his study and said to him, “I’ll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your bible a little and get your hair cut and we’ll talk about it.”

After about a month, the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss use of the car. They again went to the father’s study where his father said, “Son, I’ve been real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you’ve studied your bible diligently, but you didn’t get your hair cut!”

The young man waiting a moment and replied, “You know Dad, I’ve been thinking about that. You know, Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair…”

To which the father replied… “Yes, and they WALKED everywhere they went!”