I have collected these to help all those who run Alpha Courses and are responsible for the joke each week. If you have a joke that you use and would like to share with others please email me at webresponse(at)saltforsermons.org.uk. Thank you for your help in helping others.
Alpha - What about the church?
A Pastor and his church
A pastor fell out with his church. After bitter arguments, he decided to leave to take up a job as a prison chaplain. He preached his last sermon at the church on John 14:1: "I go to prepare a place for you."
Topics:
Alpha - What about the church?,
A short sermon
C.H. Spurgeon once asked a student who was training for ministry to preach a sermon with no preparation. The result merits an entry in the Guinness Book of World Records for the shortest sermon ever. Appropriately, it was on the subject of Zacchaeus, and this is how it went:
"First, Zacchaeus was a man of very small stature; so am I.
Second, Zacchaeus was very much up a tree; so am I.
Third, Zacchaeus made haste and came down; so will I."
With that, the student sat down to shouts of more more from his fellows. Spurgeon stated he could not improve on that if he tried!
Topics:
Alpha - What about the church?,
Excuses
If you took the same excuses that people use for not going to church and apply them to other important areas of life you'd realize how inconsistent we can be in our logic. For example: Reasons Not To Wash
1. I was forced to as a child.
2. People who make soap are only after your money.
3. I wash on special occasions like Christmas and Easter.
4. People who wash are hypocrites-they think they are cleaner than everyone else.
5. There are so many different kinds of soap, I can't decide which one is best.
6. I used to wash, but it got boring so I stopped.
7. None of my friends wash.
8. The bathroom is never warm enough in the winter or cool enough in the summer.
9. I'll start washing when I get older and dirtier.
10. I can't spare the time
Topics:
Alpha - What about the church?,
After the service
A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door, as he always is, to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.
The Pastor said to him, “You need to join the Army of the Lord!”
My friend replied, “I’m already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor.”
Pastor questioned, “How come I don’t see you except at Christmas and Easter?”
He whispered back, “I’m in the secret service.”