ALPHA JOKES

I have collected these to help all those who run Alpha Courses and are responsible for the joke each week. If you have a joke that you use and would like to share with others please email me at webresponse@saltforsermons.org.uk. Thank you for your help in helping others.

Who is Jesus?
Why did Jesus die?
How can I be sure of my faith?
Why and How should I read the Bible?
Why and how do I pray?
How can I resist evil?
How does God guide us?
Why and how should we tell others?
Does God heal today?
What about the church?
The Holy Spirit
General

Who is Jesus?

A Sunday school class was learning all about the birth of baby Jesus. They read the exciting tale of the Flight to Egypt where Joseph, Mary, and the baby Jesus had to flee to Egypt to escape the wrath of Herod, who was trying to kill Jesus. After they finished the story, the teacher asked them all to draw what they thought the flight to Egypt looked like.

The first little girl got up and showed her picture. It had Mary and Jesus riding on a big gray donkey with Joseph walking alongside.

The next little boy had a fantastic picture of the family riding a camel through the desert, complete with pyramids in the background and even a couple of mummies lying around!

The next little boy got up, and there was a picture of a big old jet airliner streaking through the sky with 4 people in it.

The teacher tried not to laugh, and said. “Well, Johnny. I can kind of see where you would have come up with an airplane…..the story is called the Flight to Egypt, but who are these people in the plane?”

Little Johnny pointed to the first and said “That’s Joseph.” The teacher nodded. “This is mother Mary” He pointed to the next person “This is the baby Jesus.” The teacher said, “Yes, but who is this fourth person?”

“Well, that’s Pontius – the Pilot of course!”

 

Why did Jesus die?

There was a very rich man who was just about to die and he wanted to take some of his wealth with him. So he started negotiations with God about the matter. God was not sure as it had never been done before and he did not want to set a precedence. Finally after long talks God reluctantly agreed to allow him to bring his wealth to heaven.

Just a few days before he died the rich man converted all his money into gold bullion. He died and the funeral home made sure that the suitcases containing the gold bullion went with him. He arrived at the Pearly Gates with his suitcases and there was Peter. Peter told him he could not bring the suitcases into heaven. But the man said he had already spoken to God and he had said it was OK. So Peter got on the God phone and sure enough it was true. So Peter was curious as to what was so valuable that the man wanted to bring it into heaven. Peter said, "Could I look in the suitcases?"

So the man opened the suitcases and Peter exclaimed, "You brought paving stones to heaven!"

****

After the fall in Garden of Eden, Adam was walking with his sons Cain and Abel. They passed by the ruins of the Garden of Eden. One of the boys asked, "What's that?" Adam replied, "Boys, that's where your mother ate us out of house and home."

****

An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his banker and his lawyer, both church members, to come to his home.

When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled, and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything.

Both the banker and lawyer were touched and flattered that the preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moments. They were also puzzled; the preacher had never given them any indication that he particularly liked either of them. They both remembered his many long, uncomfortable sermons about greed, covetousness, and avaricious behavior that made them squirm in their seats.

Finally, the banker said, "Preacher, why did you ask us to come?"

The old preacher mustered up his strength and then said weakly, "My Lord Jesus died between two thieves, and I couldn’t think of a better way to go!”

How can I be sure of my faith?

Forrest Gump died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gates of heaven St. Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances of education on earth. To get into heaven he had to answer 3 questions:
1)name two days of the week that begin with "T".
2)How many seconds are in a year?
3) What is God's first name?

Forrest thought for a moment then answered. The two days of the week that start with "T" are Today and Tomorrow. There are 12 seconds in a year, and God has two names, Andy and Howard."

St. Peter said, "Ok I'll buy the today and tomorrow even though that's what I expected. But how are there 12 seconds in a year?

"Forest answered, "January 2nd, February 2nd......"

St. Peter replied, "Ok, I give, but what about Gods first name?

"Forrest answered St. Peter by saying, "Well, from the song....Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me, Andy tells me I am his own. Plus the prayer says Our Father, who art in Heaven, Howard be thy name...." Saint Peter let him in without another word.

***

A man who had recently come to faith was explaining to a friend what it was like to be a Christian. He said, "It is as if there were two dogs inside me and they are always fighting."

"Which one wins?" asked the friend.

"It depends which one I feed," he replied.

***

A boy was sitting on a park bench with one hand resting on an open Bible. He was loudly exclaiming his praise to God. "Hallelujah! Hallelujah! God is great!" he yelled without worrying whether anyone heard him or not.

Shortly after, along came a man who had recently completed some studies at a local university. Feeling himself very enlightened in the ways of truth and very eager to show this enlightenment, he asked the boy about the source of his joy.

"Hey" asked the boy in return with a bright laugh, "Don't you have any idea what God is able to do? I just read that God opened up the waves of the Red Sea and led the whole nation of Israel right through the middle."

The enlightened man laughed lightly, sat down next to the boy and began to try to open his eyes to the "realities" of the miracles of the Bible. "That can all be very easily explained. Modern scholarship has shown that the Red Sea in that area was only 10-inches deep at that time. It was no problem for the Israelites to wade across."

The boy was stumped. His eyes wandered from the man back to the Bible laying open in his lap. The man, content that he had enlightened a poor, naive young person to the finer points of scientific insight, turned to go. Scarcely had he taken two steps when the boy began to rejoice and praise louder than before. The man turned to ask the reason for this resumed jubilation.

"Wow!" exclaimed the boy happily, "God is greater than I thought! Not only did He lead the whole nation of Israel through the Red Sea, He topped it off by drowning the whole Egyptian army in 10 inches of water!"

How and why should I read the Bible?

A new vicar moved into town and went out one Saturday to visit his parishioners. All went well until he came to one house. It was obvious that someone was home, but no one came to the door even after he had knocked several times. Finally, he took out his card, wrote on the back 'Revelation 3:20' and stuck it in the door. The next day, he found his card in the collection plate. Below his verse was written the words 'Genesis 3:10'. Look it up.

****

Three guys went out to play golf. Moses teed off, and his ball landed in the water trap. He walked to the water, held out his club, and the water parted. He hit his ball onto the green. Jesus teed off, and his ball went into the same water trap. He calmly walked on the water, hit his ball and watched it land on the green. The third player teed off, and his ball headed straight for the same water trap. It landed on a lily pad, where it was grabbed by a frog who mistook it for dinner. Before he could swallow it, an eagle swooped down and grabbed the frog. As he flew off, the frog dropped the ball. The ball landed on a car driving on the nearby freeway, bounced off the hood of the car, back onto the golf course. It then bounced off a tree and went straight into the cup for a hole in one. Moses turned to Jesus and said, "I hate playing golf with your Dad!"

****

One day GOD says to Adam,
"I've noticed that you are lonely, and I've decieded to make you a partner. This partner will fulfill every desire, wait on you hand and foot, never argue or talk back to you, and will take care of you for the rest of the days of your life." Adam, skeptical about this, says "What's it gonna cost me?" GOD replies, "One eye, your left leg and you right hand." Adam then replies, "What can I get for a rib?"

****

The importance of having your email addresses correct!

It seems there was this couple from Minneapolis, Minnesota who decided to go to Florida for a few days to thaw out during one particularly cold winter. Since both spouses worked, they had difficulty coordinating their schedules, so the decision was made to have the husband leave for Florida on a certain day, with the wife following him one day later. The man made it down to Florida and arrived at his hotel. Upon getting to his room, he decided to open his laptop and send his wife back in Minneapolis an email. However, he left off one letter in typing his wife's email address and sent the email off without realizing his error.

In another part of the country, a widow had just returned from the funeral of her husband, a pastor of many years who had been called to glory just a few days earlier. She decided to check her email because she was expecting to hear from her husband's relatives and friends. Upon reading the first email she let out a loud scream, fainted and fell to the floor.

The woman's son rushed into the room and found his mother on the floor. He glanced up at the computer screen and saw the following email message:

To My Loving Wife:

I've just been checked in. Everything has-been prepared for your arrival here tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then.

Your Devoted Husband.

PS: Sure is hot down here

Quoted from funny@153.com email list

*****

There was this gracious lady mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.

"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk. "Only the Ten Commandments," answered the lady.

****

A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss the use of the car. His father took him to his study and said to him, “I’ll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your bible a little and get your hair cut and we’ll talk about it.”

After about a month, the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss use of the car. They again went to the father’s study where his father said, “Son, I’ve been real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you’ve studied your bible diligently, but you didn’t get your hair cut!”

The young man waiting a moment and replied, “You know Dad, I’ve been thinking about that. You know, Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair…”

To which the father replied… “Yes, and they WALKED everywhere they went!”
 

Why and how do I pray?

A pastor had a little kitten stuck up in a tree, and the kitty would not come down. The tree was not sturdy enough to climb so the pastor decided that if he tied a rope to his car and drove until the tree bent down, he could then reach up and get the kitten. But as he moved just a little too far, the rope broke. The tree snapped upright and the kitten instantly sailed through the air and out of sight.

He felt just terrible and walked all over the neighborhood asking people if they had seen a little kitten. Nobody had and finally he prayed, "Lord, I commit this kitten to Your keeping," and then went about his business.
A few days later he was at the grocery store and met one of his church members. In her shopping cart he was amazed to see cat food. Now this woman was a cat hater and everyone knew it, so he asked her why she was buying cat food when she hated cats so much.

She replied, "You won't believe this but I have been refusing to buy my little girl a cat even though she has been begging for one. Finally I told her that if God gives you a cat, I'll let you keep it.

"I watched my child go out into the yard, get on her knees and ask God for a cat. And really, Pastor, you won't believe this but I saw it with my own eyes. A kitten suddenly came flying out of the blue sky with its paws spread out and landed right in front of her. Of course I had to let her keep the kitten since it came from God. . . ."

From The Daily Dilly Quoted from PreachingNow Email list

*****

Two men were walking through a field one day when they spotted an enraged bull. Instantly they darted toward the nearest fence. The storming bull followed in hot pursuit, and it was soon apparent they wouldn't make it. Terrified, the one shouted to the other, "Put up a prayer, John. We're in for it!"

John answered, "I can't. I've never made a public prayer in my life."

"But you must!" implored his companion. "The bull is catching up to us."

"All right," panted John, "I'll say the only prayer I know, the one my father used to repeat at the table: 'O Lord, for what we are about to receive, make us truly thankful.'"

Quoted from net153.com email list

*****

A mother overheard her young son praying one day: ' . . . and if you give me a bike, Lord, then I'll be good for a whole week.'

She interrupted him and said, 'Now, Johnny, it's no good trying to bargain with God. He won't answer prayers like that!'

A few days later she overheard him praying again: '. . . and if you give me a new bike, Lord, I'll be good for three weeks!'

'Johnny,' said his mother ently 'I thought I told you it was no good trying to strike bargains with the Lord. He doesn't respond to that sort of prayer.'

A few days later the mother was cleaning the house and, to her amazement, found right at the bottom of the airing cupboard, a little statue of the madonna that had stood on the sideboard. She guessed that this must be something to do with Johnny and went up to his room to find him. He wasn't there but on the window sill she found a note which read: 'OK, Lord, if you ever want to see your mother again ... !'

****

A little boy was kneeling beside his bed with his mother and grandmother and softly saying his prayers, "Dear God, please bless Mummy and Daddy and all the family and please give me a good night's sleep."

Suddenly he looked up and shouted, "And don't forget to give me a bicycle for my birthday!!"

"There is no need to shout like that," said his mother. "God isn't deaf."

"No," said the little boy, "but Grandma is."

****

Little Jimmy was laying on a hill in the middle of a meadow on a warm spring day. Puffy white clouds rolled by and he pondered their shape. Soon, he began to think about God.

"God? Are you really there?" Jimmy said out loud.

To his astonishment a voice came from the clouds. "Yes, Jimmy? What can I do for you?"

Seizing the opportunity, Jimmy asked, "God? What is a million years like to you?"

Knowing that Jimmy could not understand the concept of infinity, God
responded in a manner to which Jimmy could relate. "A million years to me, Jimmy, is like a minute."

"Oh," said Jimmy. "Well, then, what's a million dollars like to you?" "A
million dollars to me, Jimmy, is like a penny."

"Wow!" remarked Jimmy, getting an idea. "You're so generous... can I have one of your pennies?"

God replied, "Sure thing, Jimmy! Just a minute."

****

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who’s dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses this guy, “Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?”

The guy replies, “I’m Joe Cohen, London Cabbie.”

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi-driver, “Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.”

The taxi-driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it’s the minister’s turn. He stands erect and booms out, “I am Joseph Snow, vicar of Saint Mary’s for the last forty-three years.”

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, “Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.”

“Just a minute,” says the minister. “That man was a taxi-driver and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?”

“Up here, we work by results,” says Saint Peter. “While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed.”
 

How does God guide us?

There was a farmer who was lonely and so he put an ad in the personal column which read:

Farmer seeks lady with tractor with view to companionship and possible marriage. Please send picture .......... of tractor.

****

An old man was wondering if his wife had a hearing problem. So one night, he stood behind her while she was sitting in her lounge chair. He spoke softly to her, "Honey, can you hear me?" There was no response. He moved a little closer and said again, "Honey, can you hear me?" Still, there was no response. Finally he moved right behind her and said, "Honey, can you hear me?" She replied, "For the third time, Yes!"

The Holy Spirit

There was some confusion in a Welsh parish at one time when both curates all the name of Evans. This was short lived as soon one became known as Evans the Trinity, and the other as Evans the Holy Ghost. Both men were flattered to hear this until they discovered that they had been called this because one was incomprehensible and the other was indivisible. The confusion got worse when the new rector arrived also called Evans. But this was easily sorted, he was quickly called Evans above.

*****

There was a very fat nun who dearly loved her food. She was cautioned by the Mother Superior on the subject of greed. 'Remember,' she was told, 'the Bible says that we are temples of the Holy Spirit, and therefore we should respect our bodies and show restraint.'

For a while the lesson apparently went home and it was noticed that the nun ate much less than before. But then, alas, it became obvious at meal times that she was back to her former ways. Again she was on the carpet for a reprimand. 'You seem to be forgetting what 1 said about being temples of the Holy Spirit sister,' said her Superior.

With a beatific smile the nun replied, 'Well, it was while 1 was praying the other day Mother, that 1 seemed to hear a voice that said, 'Sister, you are not a temple of the Holy Spirit, you are a basilica.'

How can I resist evil?

Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who managed to get the most out of his computer. This had been going on for days and God was tired of hearing all of the bickering. God said, "Cool it. I am going to set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job." So down they sat at the keyboards and typed away. They moused away. They did spreadsheets, they wrote reports, they sent faxes, they sent out e-mails, they sent out e-mails with attachments, they downloaded, they did some genealogy reports, they made cards, they did every know job. But just a few minutes before the two hours were up lightening flashed across the sky. The thunder rolled and the rains came down hard. Of course the electricity went off. After the rain stopped the electricity came back on. Satan was angry. He screamed, "I lost it all when the power went off. What am I going to do? What happened to Jesus' work?" Jesus sat and smiled. Again Satan asked about the work that Jesus had done. As Jesus turned his computer back on the screen glowed, and when he pushed "print" it was all there. "How did he do it?" Satan asked. God smiled and said, "Jesus Saves."

*****

A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. So he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 100 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSES."

When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note. "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. LEAD US NOT INTO TEMPTATION."

How and why should we tell others?

A fire started in the grasslands close to a farm. The county fire department rushed to the scene, but the fire was more than they could handle. Someone suggested calling the volunteer fire department. Despite some doubt that they would be of any assistance, they were called. The volunteers arrived in a dilapidated old fire truck. They rumbled straight towards the fire, drove right into the middle of the flames and stopped! The firefighters jumped from the truck and frantically started spraying water in all directions. Soon they had snuffed out the centre of the fire and leaving two parts which were easily put out. As the farmer watched all this, he was impressed and grateful that his house and farm had been spared. He quickly got his chequebook and donated $1000 to the volunteer fire department. A local news reporter asked the volunteer fire captain how they planned to use the funds. The captain replied, "The first thing we're gonna do is get the brakes on our fire truck fixed!"

***

Following a great sermon on lifestyle evangelism one family thought they had better do something to witness to Jesus. So they invited their neighbours to dinner the following Friday night.

When it came to the meal, the hostess was keen to show their neighbours that they upheld Christian standards in their home.

So she asked little 5 year old Johnny to say grace.

Little Johnny was a bit shy. "I don't know what to say" There was an awkward pause, followed by a reassuring smile from the boy's mother.

"Well darling," she said, " just say what Daddy said at breakfast this morning."

Obediently, the boy repeated, "Oh God, we've got those awful people coming to dinner tonight"

***

Does God heal today?

I am writing in response to your request for additional information. In block number three of the accident reporting form, I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more and I trust that the following details are sufficient:

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I discovered that I had about 500 pounds of bricks left over. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which fortunately was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at the ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 500 pounds of bricks. You will note in block number 11 of the accident reporting form that I weigh 135 pounds. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rather rapid rate up the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming down. This explains the fractured scull and broken collarbone. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately, by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope in spite of my pain.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground - and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel now weighed approximately 50 pounds. I refer you again to my weight in block number 11. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles and lacerations of my legs and lower body. The encounter with the barrel, slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell onto the pile of bricks and fortunately, only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the bricks in pain, unable to move, and watching the barrel six stories above - I again lost my presence of mind.

I let go of the rope!

Author Unknown

****

Three buddies die in a car crash, and they go to heaven.

They are all asked, "When you are in your coffin and friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you? The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."

The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."

The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say, "Look! He's moving!"

What about the Church?

A pastor fell out with his church. After bitter arguments, he decided to leave to take up a job as a prison chaplain. He preached his last sermon at the church on John 14:1: "I go to prepare a place for you."

****

C.H. Spurgeon once asked a student who was training for ministry to preach a sermon with no preparation. The result merits an entry in the Guinness Book of World Records for the shortest sermon ever. Appropriately, it was on the subject of Zacchaeus, and this is how it went:

"First, Zacchaeus was a man of very small stature; so am I.
Second, Zacchaeus was very much up a tree; so am I.
Third, Zacchaeus made haste and came down; so will I."
With that, the student sat down to shouts of more more from his fellows. Spurgeon stated he could not improve on that if he tried!

****

If you took the same excuses that people use for not going to church and apply them to other important areas of life you'd realize how inconsistent we can be in our logic. For example: Reasons Not To Wash

1. I was forced to as a child.
2. People who make soap are only after your money.
3. I wash on special occasions like Christmas and Easter.
4. People who wash are hypocrites-they think they are cleaner than everyone else.
5. There are so many different kinds of soap, I can't decide which one is best.
6. I used to wash, but it got boring so I stopped.
7. None of my friends wash.
8. The bathroom is never warm enough in the winter or cool enough in the summer.
9. I'll start washing when I get older and dirtier.
10. I can't spare the time

****

A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door, as he always is, to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.

The Pastor said to him, “You need to join the Army of the Lord!”

My friend replied, “I’m already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor.”

Pastor questioned, “How come I don’t see you except at Christmas and Easter?”

He whispered back, “I’m in the secret service.”
 

General

A bishop was coming to stay at a rector's house for the night. The rector's eight year old son who was excited about the important guest, asked his father if he could take the bishop his tea in the morning. The rector agreed but told his son that he must knock on the door and say, "It's the boy, my lord. It is time to get up."

On his way upstairs the nervous boy was clutching the cup and saucer and practising his words. He knocked on the door and the bishop asked, "Who is it?"

The boy replied at the top of his voice, "It's the Lord, my boy. Your time is up!"

****

A duck hunter took his new hunting retriever out on its first hunt. Soon he shot a duck that fell into the lake. The dog walked over the water picked up the duck and brought it back to his master.

The hunter was flabbergasted! He shot another duck. Once again, while he rubbed his eyes in disbelief, the dog walked over the water and retrieved the duck.

Hardly daring to believe what he had seen he asked his neighbour to go hunting with him the next day. Once again each time he or his neighbour shot a duck, the dog would walk out and bring the bird in.

The man said nothing and neither did his neighbour. Finally he could contain himself no longer and he blurted out, "did you notice anything strange about that dog"
The neighbour scratched his head and finally said, 'Come to think of it I did, The son of a gun can't swim."

****

There was a wealthy Texas rancher that loved to entertain at his ranch house. He had a huge pool in the back where he kept a shark. At his parties he would challenge his guests to jump in a swim the length of the pool without getting mauled by the shark. Whoever could do it would have 1) half his estate, or 2) 10 million dollars, or 3) his daughter’s hand in marriage.

So, one party he was having he offered this same challenge. He had barely finished explaining the options when there was a big splash. They look at the pool and there is a man swimming like mad to the other side. He just makes it and climbs out before the shark would have had him. He’s standing there dripping wet and breathing like there is no tomorrow.

The rancher is so impressed that someone has finally attempted his challenge! He goes to the man and says “Wow! No one has ever tried… that was very impressive. So, what would you like? Half my estate?” The man, still trying to catch his breath, says “No.” The rancher says, “So, you want ten million dollars?” Again, the man says “No.” “Ah,” the rancher says, “you want my daughter’s hand in marriage!”… the man again says “No.” Well, now the rancher is really stumped… “What do you want?”

The man, finally able to breathe, says “I would just like to know the name of the person who pushed me in!”

****

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods.

"What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.
As he continued walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes. Turning to look, he saw a 7 foot grizzly charging towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path.
Looking over his shoulder he saw that the bear was closing in on him. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground.
He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear raising his paw to take a swipe at him.
At that instant the atheist cried out: "Oh my God!..."
Time stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.
It was then that bright light shone upon the man and a voice came out of the sky saying,
"You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament?
Am I to count you as a believer?"
The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps, could you make the BEAR a Christian?" "Very well," said the voice.
The light went out.
And the sounds of the forest resumed.
And then the bear lowered his paw, bowed his head and spoke,
"Lord, bless this food which I am about to receive and for which I am truly thankful."